


With This Mouth

by Nelkitty



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Study, John has Bellamy Issues, John has daddy issues, John just has all the issues, Mention of Emori and Bellamy, Suicidal Thoughts, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 18:57:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18531130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelkitty/pseuds/Nelkitty
Summary: He could kiss the golden boy with this mouth.This wretched, reeking mouth.He could.He would.





	With This Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Just a brief character study fuelled by a Massive Attack music binge.  
> Probably one of a few that lead up to the terrible torture porn I posted before.

Murphy is drunk. John. John Murphy. John Murphy, is drunk.  
Blinking blearily at the cabin ceiling he's contemplating his name and why now it seems almost second nature to use his surname (not cockroach, not cockroach, though, they _do_ survive) and the ceiling swims and he's heaving-  
Bile is rancid and this is his… what, fifth? Fifth bottle of wine? Weak-ass fucking wine in that case. Fucking. Wine. Who the fuck builds a bunker on an island and stocks it with wine but no escape hatch or override?  
At least. He has the gun.  
He hates that he's crying again but at this point he's given up on trying to figure out why. Puts it down to the effort of vomiting. Puts it down to the pressure building behind his eyes and the hangover that never really stopped once it started, the drinking he never stopped once he started, and now-  
Now half the wall is gone, and there's a pile of glass where he smashed all the empty bottles-  
Who stocks a bunker with wine, but no escape hatch?  
Did these people have any idea what they were doing?  
For a moment he's a little concerned he may have drunk too much this time, but he's also a little concerned that was the point. 

 

He thinks about Emori.  
He thinks about a lot of things, but often, he thinks about Emori. Thinks about her smile, about the charm of her, the charm of her robbing him blind in the desert. Clever, that one. Clever.  
He thinks about Emori and heaves over the sink again. Thinks about kissing her, but not with this mouth. Not like this. Not a wreck like this- but then, he won't be kissing her, it won't be happening, because he's going to die here.  
At least, with the wine, it's a step up from the Arc.  
He could have- should have- died there, but he didn't.  
He's got a reputation to uphold.  
"Roach." He croaks with a chuckle, and spits the word into the puddle of sick in the sink.

 

Bellamy, though. Bellamy he could kiss with this mouth.  
Sour and hateful and dying, probably, probably dying, god he could kiss the golden boy.  
He could-  
Murphy stumbles into the wall and hisses at his own name- John, his name is John, not Murphy, that's his father. John Murphy, that's him. The cockroach. The survivor.  
John is _not_ his father.  
Spare the father, spoil the child.   
John sways in the middle of the room, new bottle in hand, feeling rancid, feeling electric rage building somewhere and he takes a swig to swallow it down again and the swaying feels like dancing.  
Swaying feels like dancing the same way swaying feels like hanging and he closes his eyes and thinks of anything else, but Bellamy swims in the dark and the scent of him is thick in his nostrils long before Murphy-John thinks to open his eyes and---  
And he's gasping and crying, and still swaying, in this godforsaken bunker, the memory-stench of the golden boy lingering despite the light.


End file.
